


Nothing To Fear

by Miko



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-22
Updated: 2011-08-22
Packaged: 2017-10-22 22:30:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/243290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miko/pseuds/Miko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux would be willing to wait forever for Karkat to feel ready, but the drones aren't so patient.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing To Fear

"It'th thtarted." Sollux slammed the door to Karkat's hive behind him, breathing a little hard. He'd pushed himself to the limit to get here as quickly as possible, and it had winded him. He threw the lock and leaned against the door as if either of those actions would help in any way.

When the drones came, mere locks weren't nearly enough to deter them. Pretending you weren't home didn't work, either - they destroyed the hive of anyone who didn't contribute just on principle. Running only prolonged the agony, because short of going feral in the wilderness, there was nowhere on Alternia an adult troll could hide.

"What has?" Karkat asked, clearly too absorbed in what he was doing on his husktop to properly pay attention. Craning his neck, Sollux got a good enough look at the screen to recognize the particular shade of the indigo text interspersed between Karkat's walls of solid grey. He was talking to his moirail, then, crap. It was always a little difficult to tear him away from Gamzee. Sollux might have spared a moment for a bit of jealousy if he wasn't already too busy freaking out.

"Did your thinkpan rot through in the hourth thinthe I thaw you latht?" Sollux demanded. "What do you mean, _what_. You know _what_."

"No, seriously, what the fuck are you on about, nookwhiff?" Karkat said. At least he finally looked up from the screen, scowling at Sollux in irritation. "What are you even doing here, I thought you were going to see Eridan tonight?"

"KK..." Sollux didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Nobody knew exactly when the drones would be released for collection, which meant near-adult trolls spent their final perigee before being sent off planet in a constant state of terrified anticipation. Most of them, anyway. How had he ended up with the most oblivious troll on the face of the planet for a matesprit? Well, it certainly made him pitiable. "Don't tell me you've _forgotten what perigee it ith?_ "

"The fuck are you..." Karkat trailed off, and a look of dawning horror crossed his face. "Wait. No. It can't be. We've still got like, half a fucking bi-lunar!"

"The droneth went out thith evening, ff told me," Sollux told him. It was exceptionally early, nearly the first day they could have been sent, so he supposed Karkat's disbelief wasn't entirely irrational. "I got here ath thoon ath I could. Eridan doethn't need me, we've filled enough pailth to latht him the retht of hith ridiculouthly long lifethpan already."

"Oh shit, oh _shit_ ," Karkat exclaimed, jumping up so abruptly he sent his husktop crashing to the floor. He stared about wildly, as if he expected to find the Imperial drone lurking in the corner somewhere. "I thought we still had more time! Why don't they fucking _warn_ people?"

"Becauthe if we had warning, people would jutht run out and grab the firtht troll they can find, and never mind properly filling the quadrant," Sollux pointed out. "Kind of defeatth the purpothe, we'd have nothing but thub-thtandard grubthauthe and the thpethieth would go down the drain. Calm down, the palathe ith halfway around the _world_ , it'll take them a while to get here. Thankth to ff breaking the ruleth, - you'd better do thomething really fucking nithe to thay thank you, by the way, she could be culled if they find out - we've got enough time."

"Then why are you out of breath like you just fucking _ran_ here instead of flying?" Karkat asked. He still looked freaked out, but a little reassured.

"I didn't know if you'd even _be_ here after I thaid I wathn't coming over tonight," Sollux explained. "I wath afraid I might have to hunt you down."

"Why the fuck didn't you just troll me? I've been online since I woke up, just like I always am."

"That would have involved me waiting around until you woke up, _hoping_ that tonight of all nightth wouldn't be the one time you break your pattern, and then _thtill_ rathing over here and getting here even later," Sollux said impatiently. "Never mind all that. KK, theriouthly, we need to talk."

"Talk? Talking is the _last_ thing we should be doing, are you kidding me?" Karkat said incredulously. "We need to be pailing, not talking!"

"Yeah, that'th the thing we need to be talking about," Sollux replied. "You know, the fact that we've been matethpritth for a thweep and a half and we've never filled a pail _onthe_."

Karkat sputtered and flushed, dull red rushing over his cheeks in a way that always fascinated Sollux a little. His blush was so much brighter than Aradia's had been, the reddish tone of his blood clearly visible despite the dark grey of his skin. It hadn't taken Sollux very long after meeting Karkat face to face the first time to realize why the other troll had never left his hive before the game. Whatever his bizarre obsession was with hiding the fact that he was a rust-blood, it was nearly impossible to conceal with the way he wore his bloodpusher on his sleeve all the time.

Sollux _still_ had no idea what the exact colour of his blood was. It wasn't like he cared; he'd never paid much attention to all the hemospectrum hoofbeastshit. But he was a little curious, after all the production over it.

Recovering enough to form actual words again, Karkat glared at him like an offended pouncebeast. "Yeah, well, I didn't exactly hear you begging to go further, fuckass," he hissed.

"I wathn't going to push you, athhole," Sollux snapped back at him. "It'th not like I'm dethperate to get pailed, my black quadrant'th filled. I figured you'd get over whatever wath holding you back eventually, but there ith no more 'eventually'!"

"So why are we still standing here _talking_ about it, I said?" Karkat exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "Let's go already!"

"Fine," Sollux said, and then stood there, because he really wasn't sure how to make the first move in this situation. Just grabbing Karkat and initiating a sloppy make-out seemed a little awkward, considering the mood. Karkat might gut him out of reflex if he tried, he looked so high-strung right now.

"Fine," Karkat echoed, but he didn't move either, just stared at Sollux with wide eyes and a terrified quiver to his lip that he was clearly trying to hide.

That badly-concealed fear made a surge of pity rush through Sollux's thorax, and when he spoke again he carefully gentled his voice. "It'th okay, KK," he said, reaching out with one hand like Tavros trying to coax a particularly wary animal to his side. "Whatever it ith, it'th okay. I'm your matethprit, you pitiful fuck, I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know that," Karkat said, and edged towards him like he was fighting himself with every step. "Don't fucking patronize me, asshole. I know more about how the quadrants should interact than you know about computers."

"Yeah, you're tho great at analything romanthe becauthe you'd rather do that than actually _do_ anything," Sollux retorted.

He was being unfair and he knew it. Most of the time, Karkat was the best matesprit anyone could ask for. For all that he yelled and cursed and talked shit, he was also loving and attentive and fucking determined to do everything _right_ , which meant lavishing attention on all his quadrants in the best possible ways. Watching him try so hard to be perfect, like he was scared that if he did one tiny thing 'wrong' his quadrant would dump him, was absolutely pathetic and got to Sollux every damned time.

But right now Sollux was the one who was scared, because he had maybe until the end of the night to save his matesprit's life, and Karkat wasn't cooperating. It was almost like he _wanted_ to get culled.

"Pleathe, KK, _pleathe_ trutht me," he begged softly. He hated forcing the issue, would have been willing to wait forever for Karkat to be ready if that's what it took, but the universe wasn't that kind. "I can't bear the thought of lothing you."

"Are you trying to sound pathetic, Captor?" Karkat asked, his lips quirking around his fangs in what might have been a smirk.

"Fuck yeah, ith it working yet?" Sollux asked with a wry grin of his own, and Karkat snorted.

"Not like you have to try to be pitiful," Karkat told him, and finally crossed the last of the distance between them. "You come by it naturally just fine."

He was as stiff as a board as he cuddled up against Sollux, arms going around Sollux's waist. He was also trembling, Sollux noted with another surge of pity. "I'm thorry, KK, I really wish I didn't have to push you like thith," he murmured, wrapping his arms around his matesprit in turn and just holding him close for a moment.

"Never mind, it's just my retarded hang-up anyway, it's not like I don't _want_ you," Karkat said hastily. "Fuck, I hope you never thought that, because it's totally not you, I _swear_ , it's..."

"Shut up and kith me already, KK," Sollux interrupted him, because he really didn't want to have that conversation. There _had_ been times when he'd wondered if the real reason Karkat wouldn't take things to the pail was because Sollux's freakish body put him off. Mostly only when he was already in one of his depressed moods, but not always.

Thankfully Karkat shut up and kissed him, and as always the passion he put into it more than reassured Sollux that physical desirability was not the issue. Karkat didn't hesitate in eagerly exploring his mouth, never had from the first time they'd ever kissed. And he made the cutest, _hot as fuck_ little noises while he did it, tiny clicks and chirps and whines that went straight to Sollux's bulge.

Running his hands up and down Karkat's back, Sollux soaked up the feel of his matesprit against him. He loved this, loved holding and touching and kissing Karkat, loved knowing that Karkat pitied him so thoroughly that he was utterly and completely _safe_. He could open himself up and be as vulnerable as he liked, and Karkat would never, ever hurt him.

Now if only he could convince Karkat that the same was true in reverse. Was it some failing of Sollux's expressions of pity for him that made him think he wasn't safe? What else could Sollux possibly do to reassure him?

There was no more time to worry about it. Patient coaxing hadn't worked, had only dragged things out until now they were in this desperate mess. As much as he hated it, Sollux _had_ to force the issue, and he could only hope that in the end Karkat would understand and trust him.

Otherwise this could ruin their matespritship, and that was the absolute last thing Sollux wanted.

For once Karkat wasn't holding back, drawing things out, drowning Sollux in pity and affection. He nipped and licked at Sollux's lips, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to sting deliciously. His hands wormed their way up under Sollux's shirt, claws skittering over the bumps of his ribs, moving things ahead far faster than they usually did.

Sollux drew back just long enough to pull his shirt up over his head, and Karkat did the same. Then they were on each other again, mouths trailing over each other's throats this time, teeth scraping and tongues tickling. Sollux could feel the vibration of Karkat's warbling beneath his lips, and the taste was intoxicating.

The terror of knowing they had very little time added spice to the already burning fire of their passion, at least for Sollux. He pushed Karkat back until they hit a wall, giving them a solid surface to support them as they ground against each other. Sollux dropped one hand to rub against Karkat's bone bulge through his pants, stimulating the mound.

To his shock Karkat's chirps abruptly coalesced into a sound better described as a growl. Not a sexy growl, either; this was a warning, telling him that he was too far into Karkat's personal space and was about to get his hand forcibly removed. From his arm, if he pushed the issue.

Hastily Sollux drew back, yanking his hand away like it had been burned, and stared at his matesprit. Karkat was shaking again, staring up at him wild-eyed and desperate. He'd clamped a hand over his mouth like he was trying to stifle the growl, but it spilled out around his fingers as if he had no control over it. "KK, what the hell?" Sollux asked, mystified.

"You said we had time, why are you pushing so fast?" Karkat demanded, the words rumbling in his thorax like they were just this side of a snarl.

"Yeah we've got a little time, but we might need to go more than onthe to fill the bucket enough," Sollux reminded him urgently. Technically a troll only _needed_ to provide a filled bucket for one of the two concupiscent quadrants in order to be spared culling, but in practice it had better be filled to the brim if they expected to get away with not having both. Sollux had no worries in that department, but Karkat didn't have a kismesis.

" _Fuck_ , I just..." Karkat stopped and drew in a deep breath, then let it out again slowly. The growl faded out along with his breath, and finally he was silent again. "Okay," he said, quiet and almost defeated. " _Okay_. Just fucking ignore me, all right? You're my matesprit, I'd never actually hurt you. It's just an empty, reflexive threat."

Sollux wasn't so sure about that. The fact that Karkat could growl like that at him at all was far from reassuring, and he was suddenly feeling just a bit less safe about being vulnerable in front of Karkat. "But _why_ ith it a reflekth?" he asked, more than a little hurt. "What am I doing wrong?"

"It's _not you_ , fuck..." Karkat yanked at a handful of his own hair, giving Sollux a miserable look. "Seriously, it's not. You're not doing anything wrong. You're the best matesprit anybody could ask for, you're so fucking patient and you put up with all my shit and I treat you so bad it's not even funny. Anyone else would've dumped my sorry ass a sweep ago, dragging my feet and being a failure of a troll and a matesprit and..."

Sollux had to kiss him, because it was that or cry at how incredibly pathetic he was being. Karkat made a startled noise and melted against him again, chirping as he hesitantly returned the kiss. "I would rather claw my own ocular orbth out and be blind again forever than hurt you, you wretched little wriggler," Sollux murmured against his lips.

Karkat warbled in answer and clutched at his back, urging him closer. Sollux responded by wrapping his arms around Karkat again, pushing him back against the wall and grinding their bulges together through the fabric of their pants. This time Karkat allowed the intimate contact, maybe because Sollux wasn't actually groping him directly.

They'd gone this far before a few times, though usually only after a long make-out session that worked them both up so badly they couldn't help themselves. Sollux hissed between his fangs as Karkat jerked his hips up, rubbing the bone between his legs against Sollux's. Usually they only enjoyed a few minutes of this dry humping before Karkat would pull away, babble out something incoherent that might have been an apology, and go racing off to the ablution block.

Sollux grabbed at Karkat's hips and lifted him higher, angling him against the wall so that Karkat instinctively wrapped his legs around Sollux's waist to keep himself steady. The change in position meant they were perfectly lined up, and they both keened as they rocked together. Karkat was trembling again, and Sollux devoutly hoped it was in pleasure and not fear, because this time he couldn't let his matesprit run away.

"I'll make it tho good for you, you know I will, c'mon KK," he muttered urgently. "Let me touch you, pleathe?"

"Do it," Karkat replied hoarsely, and there was definitely still fear in his voice, but he was giving permission and that was all that really mattered. Praying that he wasn't going to fuck this up, Sollux fumbled at the fastenings of Karkat's pants.

It only took him a moment to get his hand inside, but it felt like an eternity. Karkat started growling again, low and helpless, but Sollux took a deep breath and ignored it as he cupped Karkat's bone bulge in his palm. The actual bulge wasn't out from behind its protective bony sheath yet, which damn it meant that Karkat _didn't feel safe with him_ , no matter what his matesprit said. Sollux tried hard not to take it personally, and concentrated instead on doing whatever he could to reassure and pleasure Karkat.

He dipped his fingers a little lower, mindful of his sharp claws as he traced the solid edges of Karkat's bone nook. The opening was on the small side, which was too bad because it meant there was no way Sollux was going to get both of his mutant bulges in there, not without hurting Karkat badly. That was okay, though, there were ways around that. Karkat's growling had subsided into quick, chirping little gasps for air, which Sollux took as a good sign.

"Thee? It doethn't hurt," he murmured, running his mouth gently down over Karkat's throat again. "It can be really amathing, let me make you feel good, tho good you'll forget you were ever afraid in the firtht plathe."

Carefully, _carefully_ he dipped just the tip of one finger inside Karkat, teasing him with the unfulfilled promise of pressure. It always drove Eridan wild when he did that, surely it would make Karkat forget himself as well.

Sure enough Karkat's hands clenched at the back of his neck, claws digging in. But instead of keening with pleasure like Eridan always did, Karkat's chirps spiralled up into a high, continuous whine instead. A _terrified_ whine, which kept hitching repeatedly like he couldn't remember how to breathe through it, and he started shaking so hard Sollux had to snatch his hand back before his claws did serious damage to the delicate flesh.

Stunned, he pulled back enough to see that Karkat's eyes were closed, his face scrunched up in the most pathetic expression of panic Sollux had ever seen. He really was having trouble breathing, gasping desperately for each breath like it might be his last. Horrified, Sollux nearly dropped him in his haste to stop doing whatever it was that had sent his matesprit into such a state.

"KK! What the fuck, what ith it, what'th wrong?" he demanded, more than half panicked himself. Damn it, nothing he'd done should have _hurt_ Karkat, why was he reacting like he was about to get culled? Karkat didn't even appear to hear the question, and he was sobbing now, watery red tears running down his face as he trembled and whined and choked on nothing but his own fear.

Desperate, Sollux collapsed down onto the floor, taking Karkat down with him and curling around him like a lusus with a new wriggler, trying to get him as sheltered and covered as he could in the hopes that feeling less vulnerable would help him calm down. With his powers he latched onto everything moveable in range and dragged it all towards them, piling anything and everything on top of them until they were buried in a mound of random junk.

Only when the pile was so thick Sollux couldn't see the light or feel the movement of air against his skin at all did Karkat begin to calm at last. His breathing evened out and he stopped gasping like he was dying, though he was still panting hard to make up for the way he hadn't been getting any air earlier. The broken whine faded until it was just a stream of pathetic chirps again, and finally Karkat stopped shuddering against him. Only the tears continued unchecked.

Leaning over him, crooning the most soothing sound he could manage, Sollux licked the tears from his face with gentle swipes of his double tongues. That made Karkat's breathing hitch again and Sollux froze, but then Karkat snuck his arms around Sollux's waist and pulled him closer, the first positive reaction he'd shown so far.

Sighing in relief, Sollux cradled his matesprit a little tighter. When he lifted his head to peer down at Karkat in the dim light, he saw that the other troll's eyes were open again, and Karkat was looking back at him with an expression of mingled fear and dismay. "I'm sorry," Karkat mumbled miserably.

"Okay, we are talking about thith whether you like it or not," Sollux informed him. His voice was shaking a little as well, he was almost amused to note. Fuck, he thought he was entitled to a bit of hysteria, after watching his matesprit fall apart like Sollux's attempt to give him pleasure was the worst thing he'd ever experienced.

"You should go," Karkat rasped, acting like he hadn't even heard what Sollux said. "If you're here when the drones come they might kill you too, even though you've got a full spade bucket. Anyway you want to be there when they get to your hive so they don't destroy it, you still need to live there until you're ready to ship off-planet..."

"Karkat Vantath, thtop talking like you think for one fucking thecond I'm leaving you here to die," Sollux snapped, frustrated and frightened. "I'm not going anywhere, fuckath, at leatht not until you tell me why in the name of the fucking mother grub you won't fill a pail with me!"

"I can't," Karkat nearly sobbed again, and for a moment Sollux thought he was saying that he couldn't explain. "I just can't, I tried, I thought _eventually_ I'd get over it and I fucking _know_ you would never hurt me but I just can't! It's not you, it's not rational, it just _is_ and there's nothing I can fucking do about it and I'm so fucking scared, I don't want to die and I don't want you to leave but if they kill you... oh, gog, if they cull you because of me... I can't face that, _please_ just go and at least let me die knowing that I don't have your blood on my hands too!"

" _I am not letting you DIE, get that idea out of your fucking think pan right the fuck now_ ," Sollux shouted back at him, rivalling Karkat's normal levels of rage-induced volume. Shocked, Karkat stared at him. They fought frequently, it was just part of how they expressed their feelings for each other, but Sollux almost never raised his voice.

Grimly Sollux stared back at him, fixing him with a determined look that he hoped conveyed in no uncertain terms that Karkat was not going to be rid of him. After a moment he let his expression soften, and his voice dropped as well. "Talk to me, KK," he pleaded, _begged_. "Tell me what'th going on. I can't help you if I don't know what'th wrong."

"It's my blood," Karkat replied in the tiniest, most uncertain voice Sollux had _ever_ heard, let alone from Karkat. "My stupid fucking mutant blood and I know you don't care and you probably wouldn't even fucking realize there was anything wrong with it, you're so pathetically stupid and oblivious, but I've spent my _whole fucking life_ hiding it and training myself to panic if there was ever a chance that someone might see it, and now I can't make myself stop!"

Sollux's first reaction was one of disgusted incredulity. _That's_ what this was all about? Karkat was courting culling at the hands of the Imperial drones because of his fucking _blood colour_ obsession? Part of him wanted to throw up his hands and be done with it, the whole thing was just so fucking ridiculous.

With an effort he restrained his initial impulse, reminding himself that Karkat had admitted it was irrational. "KK, I already know you're a rutht-blood," he said as gently as he could manage given his frustration. "I've known that for a long time, it'th not like it ithn't written all over your fathe every time I make you blush..."

"I'm not a rust-blood," Karkat yelled, apparently recovering some of his usual angry defence mechanisms. "I'd kill to be a lousy rust-blood, they don't even know how good they have it! I'm not an _anything_ -blood, that's the whole fucking problem. Look!"

He reached up and dragged his claws against the back of his hand. Sollux had the barest instant to see shockingly red blood well up in the gashes before Karkat cried out and yanked his hand back, curling around it like he thought Sollux was going to bite it off. Fuck, he was hyperventilating again, shaking with the same overwhelming terror as earlier, crying and whimpering and making Sollux pity him so hard it felt like his blood pusher would burst with the force of it.

"KK, it'th okay, don't cry, everything ith okay, I'm not going to hurt you," Sollux babbled, wrapping himself around the other troll again. He had no idea how to handle this, no idea what to say to reassure Karkat that Sollux didn't care about his stupid blood, no matter what colour it was. Karkat already knew that, so nothing he could say was going to help.

He had to try, anyway. "I don't care if you bleed red or blue or fucking black, KK, it doethn't matter to me," he insisted, running his claws gently through Karkat's hair to try to calm him. Cautiously he rubbed one finger just along the base of one of Karkat's nubby horns, not nearly hard enough to be threatening but just enough to make a rush of endorphins shoot through the other troll's system. Karkat gasped and trembled, then slowly began to relax.

Chirping encouragement, Sollux repeated the action, crooning when Karkat allowed himself to go limp and huddled against him. "That'th it," Sollux murmured. "Trutht me, KK. Jutht trutht me, that'th all I want."

"I do trust you." Karkat sniffled and scrubbed at his eyes with the back of his uninjured hand. "I _do_ , but I just... can't. It's too ingrained, I can't help it. The thought of anyone seeing my blood or my genetic material, even you, is so terrifying I can't take it."

"Fuck, KK, if you had jutht _told_ me what the fucking problem wath a thweep ago, we could have been working on it all thith time," Sollux pointed out, despairing. "I'm sure we could have worked you patht it."

"Don't you think I know that?" Karkat retorted. "Do you think I haven't promised myself a thousand times that this time I would tell you, _this_ time I wouldn't cluckbeast out? I've got fucking notes taunting Future Me about it hidden all over the fucking hive, hoping that someday I'd run across one and the need to show up Past Me would eventually make me _do_ it. Every time you kiss me, every time I run away, _every time_ I swear I'll tell you... and I never do."

Sighing, Sollux absorbed that. He knew how hard it could be to bare yourself to someone, even someone that you trusted. The first half a dozen times he and Eridan had gotten to the pail he'd turned cluckbeast himself, terrified of Eridan's reaction to the extent of his mutations. Admitting it to Karkat had been difficult and taken him several tries, even though he knew Karkat had suspected it for sweeps.

"Well, now we're out of time and it'th too late anyway," he finally said, burying his face in Karkat's hair. "Tho I gueth we might ath well enjoy our latht hourth together, becauthe I'm _not_ fucking leaving you. It'th my fault, too... I should have made you talk to me inthtead of waiting around hoping you'd get over it."

"No. No, damn it, I'm not letting you die," Karkat said, thumping his fists against Sollux's chest.

"You can't make me leave, KK," Sollux pointed out. "Even if you managed to shove me out the door and lock it - and assuming I didn't blatht a hole in the wall to let mythelf right back in again - the droneth would thtill catch me lurking around out there."

"Then you're just gonna have to pail me, and never mind me acting like a pathetic wriggler begging to be culled," Karkat said grimly. "Otherwise I swear I will fucking bite my own tongue off and kill myself right now. I refuse to sit here waiting to watch you die because of me."

"Tho my choitheth are to let you kill yourthelf, abandon you, or _rape_ you?" Sollux demanded. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No, I'm deadly fucking serious Captor, and the drones will be, too," Karkat retorted. "Anyway, you can't rape the willing, fuckass. This is me giving you official permission to do whatever you have to in order to pail me, no matter what I say or do later. I'm not saying you have to do it - I can't make you. I'm just saying you can."

"You're not my fucking kithmethith," Sollux exclaimed, forgetting in his anguish how much he hated saying the name of that quadrant. "I don't want to hurt you. I'm not sure I _can_ hurt you. Don't athk me to do thith, KK, it'th not fair!"

"I know it's not," Karkat agreed, meeting his eyes squarely. They were both trembling now, but Karkat refused to drop his gaze, and Sollux couldn't make himself look away. "It's killing me to ask this of you, I know how much it will hurt you and _fuck_ , I can't stand the thought of that. But if it's a choice between hurting you and getting you killed..."

Sollux tried twice to protest, to say something, _anything_ that would turn this into some kind of horrible joke. But the situation was deadly serious and they both knew it, and Karkat was right that it was the only solution they had left.

Searching his eyes, Karkat seemed to be looking for something. Whatever it was he didn't find it, because he sighed and finally looked away. "Okay. Fine. I'm sorry, I really am. You deserve so much better than a lousy useless piece of shit like me as a matesprit. Goodbye, Sollux, you pitiful fuck."

Almost too late Sollux realized what he was going to do. Panicked, he lashed out with his powers and nearly snapped Karkat's neck by accident as he forced the other troll's jaw open, preventing him from biting the end of his tongue off. " _Don't you fucking dare, Vantath_ ," Sollux cried, his voice shrill. "I will kill you _mythelf_ before I let you pull that shit on me!"

Karkat only glared at him, unable to speak around the crackle of blue and red psionic energy in his mouth. Struggling to collect himself, Sollux closed his eyes and breathed deeply, gathering the scattered pieces of his calm.

There was only one thing left for him to do. Opening his eyes again, Sollux used his powers to tilt Karkat's head back, and leaned in to fasten his mouth to the exposed length of his neck. "I could hate you tho much if you weren't already the motht pitiful, wretched athhole in all of exithtenthe," he murmured, scraping his teeth gently along the relatively fragile skin.

Karkat shuddered and mewled beneath him, hands coming up to clutch at Sollux's shoulders, still unable to make any coherent sounds. Sollux caught his hands in his power too, pulling them away from his shoulders and pinning them against the floor beside Karkat's head. He could have pushed the pile off them, but he hoped that staying buried might help relieve some tiny measure of the panic he knew Karkat was about to experience. Anything he could do to make this easier on his matesprit, he would - it would make it easier on him, too.

Grimly he tried to pretend it was Eridan he was fucking. He had absolutely no qualms about holding his kismesis down with his powers and pailing him whether Eridan liked it or not - had done it several times, in fact. He had a sneaking suspicion that Eridan enjoyed it when he did it, too.

But Karkat didn't react like Eridan at all. Instead of growling, he was whimpering around the psionic gag, the same increasingly broken, pitiful sound he'd made before. Instead of struggling against the bonds to try to aggress, he was trembling, thrashing convulsively in a desperate attempt to abscond. And most of all, instead of the cool feel of Eridan's high-blood body and the salt-water smell of him, Karkat was almost burningly warm and smelled of spice and fear.

"I'm thorry," Sollux whispered, choking on a few tears of his own as he grabbed at Karkat's pants and yanked them down. Karkat went nuts as his bulge and nook were exposed, shrieking behind the gag. "I'm thorry, I'm thorry," Sollux repeated, trailing his shaking fingers over the bone mound gently.

He couldn't quite decide whether it would be better to do it as fast as possible, or whether he should draw it out and _try_ to make Karkat enjoy it as much as he could. The knowledge that this might well be the one and only time he ever got to pail his matesprit ate at him. Even if Karkat didn't hate him, after this kind of trauma he surely would never want to do it again.

Briefly he considered releasing the gag, wondering if it was only making Karkat's terror worse, but in the end he left it in place. He was certain he wouldn't be able to handle it if he had to listen to Karkat pleading with him to stop, begging Sollux not to hurt him.

"Shhh," he shushed Karkat as he quickly shed his own pants and squirmed into position over Karkat's prone body. "I won't hurt you. I promithe, I won't. KK, oh god, I can't do thith."

But he had to. Closing his eyes, Sollux worked his hands under Karkat's shoulders and clutched his matesprit to him, hiding his face against Karkat's throat as his bulges slid free of the protective sheath. The process was slower than usual, both because he was upset and because Karkat was doing nothing to help stimulate him, but the feel of a warm, naked body pressed against his was enough to excite him despite all that. He continued to murmur soothing things in Karkat's ear, occasionally flicking his tongue out to taste his neck or jaw, rubbing his fingers over the tense muscles in Karkat's shoulders.

It sounded like Karkat was trying to hyperventilate again, except his breath kept hitching in the middle. Sollux was afraid he really was going to kill himself choking on nothing. All he could do was keep stroking and licking and doing everything he could to make Karkat feel as good as possible. Doing that while listening to his matesprit's sobbing whine made him feel sick, but he forced himself to continue.

When his bulges finally were free, he shifted position until one of them found its way into Karkat's nook. The tightness of it surprised him - Eridan happened to be big enough that he could take both of Sollux's bulges together, though not without some pain. Karkat felt entirely different, squeezing tight around him even though only one of Sollux's bulges was inside him.

The other was left to writhe over the mound of Karkat's bone bulge and the twin protrusions of his shame globes on either side. Karkat made a noise different from the ones he'd been making up to that point - a startled sound instead of a frightened one. His hips twitched, and Sollux breathed out as he felt something moving tentatively against his bulge.

As the tip of his bulge slowly emerged Karkat gave another startled chirp, which morphed into a quivering warble. Concentrating hard, Sollux flicked his other bulge inside Karkat's nook, hitting the breaking point solidly, and earned himself a louder and much firmer chirp.

Tentatively Sollux withdrew the psionic power holding Karkat's jaws apart and preventing him from saying anything. Karkat shuddered against him and sobbed the moment he had the air for it, but his warble increased in volume. "D-don't stop," he choked out, though tears still ran freely over his face.

Sollux leaned down to lick up the reddish liquid, and blinked in surprise when he found watery yellow splashes as well. That was when he realized that he was crying, too, the hot tears dripping from his face to land on Karkat's, mixing their tears the same way their genetic material soon would be.

"I won't," he murmured back. He rocked his hips a little as he felt Karkat's bulge sliding against his, hesitant and uncertain but definitely seeking his nook. "That'th it, jutht let yourthelf feel it," he coaxed hoarsely. "Don't be frightened. Nothing will hurt. It will all feel good, tho good, I promithe."

Karkat's breathing was finally steadying, though he still gasped a little with each breath. His hands strained at the psychic restraints, and Sollux let him go, hoping he wasn't about to get a face full of claws for his trouble. Instead Karkat wound his arms around Sollux's neck and hung on like he was drowning and Sollux was the only thing solid in the ocean.

"Shh, shh, I'm here," Sollux said, tilting his hips up to try to encourage Karkat's bulge into the right spot. "C'mon, KK, that'th it, don't be shy... oh _god_ ," he moaned, the word trailing off into a high keen as Karkat's bulge finally slid inside him.

It was absolutely nothing like sex with Eridan. Karkat's bulge was thicker, firmer, but still hesitant and uncertain. Despite that it felt good inside Sollux, squirming against his breaking point. Sollux's bulge wrapped around the base of it while the other shifted and writhed within Karkat's nook in turn, and it made them both keen softly.

Karkat was shaking again, but Sollux had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't due to fear this time. Or at least, not only fear. "Bucket?" he asked breathlessly, and Karkat warbled at him in reaction to the word. "No, theriouthly KK, where ith it?" Sollux insisted urgently.

"Nnngh... cupboard on top of... thermal hub," Karkat gasped out, clutching at him tighter. "Don't go don't leave me oh fuck I'll flip out again don't..."

"Bucket ith thort of integral to the whole point of me forthing you to do thith, KK," Sollux reminded him. Karkat nearly shrieked and dug his claws into Sollux's shoulder hard enough to be painful instead of pleasurable, and he winced. "Okay, okay, don't flip your shit," he said hastily. "I'm not going anywhere."

Instead he reached out with his powers, fumbling around above the thermal hub. It was a lot harder to move things when he couldn't see them, but eventually he heard a door bang open and a metallic rattle. Pushing with his powers, Sollux eventually managed to toss the bucket out of the cupboard and into the air where he could just see it through the pile of shit they were still mostly buried under.

Now able to control it much better, he dragged the bucket down towards them even as he sat up and dislodged the majority of the crap that was covering them. Since they were both still clutching each other tightly Karkat came up with him, and it was the work of only moments for Sollux to rearrange them so they were kneeling together with the pail firmly wedged between their thighs.

Being out in the open obviously wasn't making Karkat feel any better, but his negative reaction seemed mostly subsumed beneath the pleasure he was still experiencing. Sollux cradled him close and closed his eyes, focusing hard on what the lower parts of his body were doing. He put everything he had into making Karkat feel good, setting aside his own pleasure for the moment and doing anything and everything he could think of to drown Karkat in pleasure and need.

In moments Karkat was keening again, a rapidly ascending and descending sound that went straight to Sollux's bulge. He rocked his hips against Sollux, rubbing the base of their bulges together, and his head tipped back as he gave himself over to it.

"Yeah, that'th it," Sollux encouraged him, his voice little more than a rasp in his half-closed windtube. "Come for me, KK, _fuck_ you are the most beautifully pitiful thing I've ever seen..."

Karkat's keen turned into a sharp cry, and Sollux felt hot liquid splashing over his bulge a split second before he heard the ringing sound of genetic material splashing into the pail. That was enough to push him past the breaking point as well, and he warbled hoarsely as his material joined Karkat's.

Orgasm always seemed to go on forever, and yet at the same time it never lasted anywhere near long enough. When he was finally empty Sollux slumped against Karkat, breathing hard and trying to stop the tears he could still feel trickling over his cheeks. Karkat was panting and shivering against him, not saying anything which couldn't be a good sign, but at least he didn't seem to be actively freaking out anymore.

Not until they slowly separated and Karkat got a good look at the swirled yellow and red liquid in the pail, anyway. Sollux felt him go tense a split second before he shouted in horror, and that was all the warning Sollux had of what was coming. "NO!" Sollux cried out as he saw Karkat's hand lash out at the pail, and he just barely managed to yank the container out of the way with his powers.

A few drops sloshed over the sides before he slapped a hasty psychic lid over it. " _Don't you dare_ ," he snarled when Karkat lunged for it. Still holding the bucket out of the way, he tackled Karkat down into the pile again, physically pinning him in place so he couldn't try to knock it over again.

"Don't, oh fuck, don't, don't look, _fuck_ don't look don't look," Karkat was babbling, halfway to another panic attack.

"I've already theen it you twithted, gibbering, idiotic ekthcuthe for a near-adult," Sollux shouted at him, trying to drive it through his too-thick think pan. "For the latht fucking time, KK, _I don't care!_ "

Finally Karkat subsided, shivering and keening softly beneath him. When Sollux gingerly raised himself up enough to be able to look down at his matesprit, he found the other troll hunched in on himself and looking back at him miserably. "Sorry," Karkat mumbled in that tiny voice again.

"Damn right you'd better be thorry," Sollux muttered in return, relaxing slightly. "Fuck you if you think I'm going through all that for nothing. What were you _thinking_ , trying to tip the bucket over?"

"I wasn't thinking," Karkat admitted, hanging his head a little further. Sighing, Sollux gathered him up in his arms again, rocking him gently. "I just saw it, and... fuck. That fucking _colour_ , I hate it so much. Shit, why did we even do this? The drone is gonna cull me anyway as soon as he sees it."

"Why?" Sollux swirled the bucket a bit, shivering at the erotic sound of liquid swishing against the sides. When he brought it close enough to look inside, the contents had mixed quite thoroughly. There was no sign of the individual red and yellow swirls, only a dull orange liquid with a few frothy bubbles on the surface. He tipped it a little to show Karkat. "How could they know it'th you that'th got bright red blood, and not me that'th got bright yellow? It'd be the thame colour mikth either way."

Karkat stared at it like the thought that two colours mixed together produced a totally different colour was revolutionary. Maybe it was, to him.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Sollux asked him, subdued. 'Are we still matesprits?' was the question he _really_ wanted to ask, but didn't quite dare.

"Yeah," Karkat said softly, and then repeated it more firmly. "Yeah, I'm fine. You didn't hurt me. I was scared fucking shitless to start with, but... fuck, it felt good. _You_ felt good." He looked back at Sollux, obviously still uncertain. "Are _you_ okay? That probably hurt you more than me..."

"Tho you'll jutht have to make it up to me," Sollux interrupted him, giving him a lopsided and very relieved smile. "Think we could manage to do it again, without all the drama thith time? That bucket'th not quite full yet."

"I think we could do that," Karkat agreed with a tremulous smile of his own. "Maybe in a minute, though. Right now I kinda just want to curl up with you and let myself shake for a little while, if that's okay?"

"Sounds pretty good, actually," Sollux agreed, sighing. Setting the bucket safely out of reach, he turned so they were lying side by side in the makeshift pile and pulled Karkat closer to him. The other troll wrapped arms and legs around him and buried his face against Sollux's shoulder. True to his words he was shaking, but it wasn't the terrified shudders that had wracked his body earlier.

This shaking felt more like a healing than an injury. Sollux stroked his hair gently and just let himself soak up the feel of Karkat against him. He'd never seen his matesprit more pitiful than he had been tonight, and while he certainly hoped he would never see it to quite that extent again... Sollux found he was relieved to _finally_ feel like Karkat trusted him fully, and was willing to be vulnerable with him.


End file.
